50 SHADES OF GREY with Lord David Deslandes


50 SHADES OF GREY with Lord David Deslandes

So…since the recent release of the movie and some controversy surrounding the movie, it was suggested I should write the blog about 50 Shades Grey. The fact is I haven’t seen the movie and from all reports, it doesn’t sound like it would be worth spending the money to go. As for the book, I haven’t read that either except for about 3 pages someone gave me to read, suggesting it was some really hot stuff. I was unimpressed with what I read. I didn’t find it ‘crazy’ or extreme or overly creative. I’m not sure what that says about me other than my own imagination is decent.

What I would like to focus a little on is the fact that some feel that this movie seems to highlight some measure of abuse: emotional, mental and physical. However, the various internet posts and comments I have heard seem to indicate that some people believe that extreme sex, or BDSM if you wish… is wrong, evil or some sort of avenue for abuse to take place. Unfortunately for these people, I do not believe this to be the case at all. To make it clear, I do not condone any kind of abuse but I think, like most things in this world, there is a good and bad side to everything. Basically, it is how it’s used that determines everything, much like a gun is nothing until put in the hands of a person.

There are people who no doubt will enjoy the movie and or book because they find it safe to explore elements of their imagination or sexual fantasies without any risk to themselves…nothing wrong with that. I read a post on Facebook the other day, “Women say they want a 50 shades sex life, but can’t handle a finger up their ass.” I think it’s actually a fair statement that many people enjoy the IDEA of certain sexual fantasies but could never see themselves following through with it and again, there’s nothing wrong with that either.

I am going to share something with you as to what I have instructed my own young daughter about in regards to sex, as we have had an open dialogue on it for some years. I informed her in a context she could understand that there are many kinds of sex and none are wrong or more right. I said to her imagine sex is like the time you have at recess to relax and have fun, to spend time with your friends. Some days you feel energetic and you want to play skipping or 4 square or tag. Maybe some days you just want to sit and quietly talk or sit alone and read or what else you may enjoy. But whatever activity you choose to spend your time on, you also choose to do that activity with someone who equally wants to do that and wants to be there with you playing that game; that it’s wrong for you to force or push your friends to play something they don’t really feel like and just as equally wrong for them to do it to you. I believe she understood the concept, though not officially stated, of MUTUAL CONSENT. Some people may question why I have spoken to her on this, but I don’t want her growing up and feeling that her fantasies or appetites are ‘wrong’ or that she should feel ashamed. Now I have also cautioned her to be careful who she shares those intimate aspects of herself with, especially as she begins to date. I know for myself, when I was about 20, I had a frank discussion with a young woman about sex, and apparently scared her with my ‘honesty’.

As adults, so long as we can mutually consent to a sexual activity we are engaging in, then there is no harm. It may be hard for some to understand various appetites but it doesn’t matter if they get it or not. If someone likes to dress up and role play or get spanked, tied up, have clothes pegs on their nipples, harsh language or names being spoken, or other things being done, it doesn’t matter so long as it is mutually accepted, agreed upon and desired. It is fair to say that not everything we try we will like. If there is a caution for adults, it is to be careful whom you open yourself up to, who you trust in this way and equally that not all fantasies have to be realized. Some can remain just that…a fantasy.